22 February 2007

Mom's Weekend!

I was invited to spend the weekend at a retreat house in Independence, MO with the Sonlight-Catholic Moms. I was originally told that several women had paid deposits and then for whatever reason, were unable to attend, and I would just have to pay the balance and get myself there. I looked at flight information and was trying to figure out where I would get the money to buy a plane ticket, when I learned that someone who lives north of me was looking for someone to ride with and share the driving. She willingly drove several miles out of her way to pick me up, and I willingly took over the driving from there. Then I found out that I would not even have to pay the balance of the cost for the retreat itself! God is so good! I don't know how that worked out, but I am thankful!

Friday we arrived at the retreat house. I (finally!!) got to see several ladies that I've known online for years. It was so nice to finally put faces and voices with the forum posts I've been reading, and I got to meet some new friends, too. :) We spent a long time getting acquainted and now there are women living all over the country who know some dirty little secrets about each other. ;)

We went to evening prayers in the little chapel, and when the time came for the Eucharist I suddenly found myself sobbing. The harder I tried to get it under control the worse it got. I knew it would be hard to be there and not receive, but I did not see the flood coming! I've never had to experience such a longing for the Bread of Life. I purposely had chosen the Lutheran church to attend for my "liturgy fix" because I knew that I could come to their Table. Fortunately, someone better prepared than I had Kleenex.

Back at the retreat house, we prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, singing along with a video. It was so beautiful to hear all of our voices together, praying "For the sake of His Sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world." I don't know if you're 'supposed' to do this, but I find myself meditating on the Sorrowful Mysteries - The Agony in the Garden, The Scourging, The Crown of Thorns, Carrying the Cross, and the Crucifixion- as I sing the Chaplet.

Saturday afternoon I was stretched completely out of my comfort zone. I wasn't going to participate at first, because physically I'm in fairly decent shape so I didn't think I should ask for healing, but then I realized that spiritually and maritally things are not healthy, so I was anointed for spiritual and marital healing with precious oil from the relics of St. Walburga. I know other Protestants anoint with oil, but it was never something that the Baptists did, and never to my knowledge did the anointing oil I saw in Protestant churches come from a relic, it came from the Christian book store!

I wish I could say that I got this ethereal feeling or divine vision or something; alas, I did not. I did, however, feel a great deal of peace about where God is leading me and realized without a doubt that I am past the point of no return. I have to be Catholic. I cannot be Protestant anymore, I cannot "attend with the possibility of joining" a Protestant church of any flavor. I want the Truth, the Whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth!

Saturday evening we prayed a Candlelight Rosary. Votive candles were lined up around a table like the Rosary beads, and lit as each prayer was said. My Inner Protestant still struggles mightily with saying ALL those Hail Marys, so it wasn't quite as moving for me as singing the Divine Mercy Chaplet had been. I have prayed a quasi-Anglican form of the Rosary for quite some time now, and instead of the 10 Hail Marys, I would pray: Jesus, Lamb of God; have mercy on us. Jesus, Bearer of our Sins, have mercy on us. Jesus, Redeemer of the World, grant us thy peace. I must say I adjusted rather well and "got over myself."

By the glowing lights of our Candlelight Rosary, we each had to pick a small rock out of a box and place it in a basket. Then the basket was passed around the room and we would take a turn, holding our rock and sharing about a time in our lives when we were in a crisis and how God brought us through it. If I had known I was going to cry that weekend as much as I did, I would have packed my own Kleenex!

Sunday morning Mass. We sang some hymns that I knew! YAY!!! I was reminded that I could go forward for a blessing even though I could not receive the Eucharist. When I was standing before Father with my arms crossed, he looked at me with eyes filled with so much compassion and for the first time ever in my life, a Catholic priest laid his hand on my head and blessed me. I can't even begin to put into words what came over me as I walked back to my seat. I wasn't "slain in the Spirit" or anything like that, just totally overwhelmed and I had this feeling... the grace of God pouring over me like warm rain, the whisper of God in my ear that it might be quite a while before I can physically partake, but He is leading me on this journey and I can do nothing but trust.

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through

I try to do what's best
Find faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my faith in You, for

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers You supply
'Cause You know better than I

7 Comments:

Blogger Shellie said...

Oh that sounds wonderful! Maybe next year I can join you...

Thanks for sharing the wealth.

6:19 PM  
Blogger Sister Spitfire said...

http://postscripts.blog.com/1638811/

7:54 PM  
Blogger Sister Spitfire said...

Oops....should have said you've been tagged with that link.

7:55 PM  
Blogger tanyaRejoyce said...

I would have loved to have been there..... and by the way.....Tag! Your blog has been tagged. People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 weird things as well as stating this rule clearly! Three people need to be tagged and their names listed. Finally a comment needs to be left on each tagged person’s blog… come on, it is fun! Nachomama/Kid sister and CC got me. http://tanyarejoyce.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=20. Who will you tag?

6:56 PM  
Blogger wendy said...

Well you'll have to be disappointed because I haven't the first clue how to tag anyone back. I'm a blog-noramous. I type my entries and that's as techie as I get. Sorry.

7:52 AM  
Blogger Robert Gilbert said...

Hi Wendy! You might remember me from HearthKeepers - Jeanne/cathmom. Anyway, I don't know if this would help with the "Hail Mary" and your inner Protestant, but the first part of the prayer is only quoting Scripture. "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee" is of course what the angel Gabriel said to Mary at the Annunciation. Then "Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb" is what Elizabeth said to Mary at the Visitation. Then the last part is just asking Mary to pray for us, like we would ask anyone else to pray for us. I haven't caught up yet on your blog, but it's very encouraging and exciting to read about your journey!

2:27 PM  
Blogger wendy said...

Hi Jeanne! I was thinking about you the other day, hoping to be able to tell you how God was moving me. (o: Glad you found me!

I don't *mind* the Hail Mary, I know it's mostly Scripture (we had that conversation on HK once upon a time). I was just used to praying the Anglican form. I guess I phrased that a little too strongly in my entry. I should edit that...

12:45 PM  

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